UFO Religion !

We the human beings are physically one of the weakest life forms ever walked on this planet. However by understanding and adjusting to external situations, we learnt to adapt and survive under most of the circumstances. No matter how trivial this fact might appear, but we always tend to forget this trivia in order to reassure the prowess of our 0.5 kg grey matters sitting right on top of all of us. We all want to identify the purpose of our lives, the sole purpose for which the matter of this planet is transferred from elements to us.

Let me share with you one true, historically important story, which I just made up ! Hundreds, perhaps thousands of years ago, One fine day, a wise man sitting alone, idle (yes, that's what wise man have been doing ever since!) near a lake, saw something in the sky. It was windy that day and some swirling dust particles floating in the distance took some mesmerizing form. With moon in the background and ever twinkling stars added hallucinating aura to the whole scene. A thunder bolt, a streak of lightning pierced the sky and the 1000s of bulbs lit-up. The wise was hit upon by a marvelous business plan of all time. Rest we know is history. Yes, you got it right. That was the day, wise man discovered God !

Somewhere else, on some other part of the planet, few hundreds and thousands of years later, Deja-Vu. By now, the wise-men has created and accumulated enough wealth, health and prosperity for himself and his entire clan. So he no-longer was interested in wandering outdoors in harsh environment. So this time, a common man with mango face was sitting near the lake, wondering about purpose of his life ! The common man has learnt from the wise men that God has created everything and though he resides in everybody's heart, its imperative for the common man, to regularly pay some fee as token of appreciation to wise men, so that wise men can connect the mango faced men with the God. So, after witnessing the scene almost similar to what wise men saw thousands of years ago, the common man, logically concluded that whatever he saw, experienced and perceived cant be God. So he coined a new acronym for that as  Universally Foolable Objects, UFOs, the flying saucer.

Lets do some math. Everyday lighting strikes close to 100000 times, somewhere and everyday some kind of cyclone or hurricane or whirlpool appears in another 96378 locations, according to some leaked calculations from extremely reliable sources. So all in all if we add just these 2 events, 196378 life threatening things are happening all around us.Multiply this number by 365 and then multiply this by 5 billion, so close to 30000 trillion life threatening events have taken place on our plant, ever since the big bang. Scary, isn't it! Of-course we can relate to only few hundreds of such artificial incidences happening everyday around us. So to cut the long story short, the probability that you are reading this blog is less then 1 / (Zillion Zillion), and yet you are !

So, now I hope you can calculate the the probability of what happened to our us and our planet, something similar will/might happen to some other planet, at some place far away from us in the same sequence ! 

Whatever non-sense I have jotted out so far, you might be wonder what is this post all about ?

So as some legends might put it, lets try to connect the .......(dots) ! We know that its highly improbable that life exist in similar shape and size as it is on earth, anywhere else in the universe, yet we want to believe in UFOs sometimes also referred as God. We know that if we were not as lucky as we are, we would not have been where we are and still we don't want to believe in our luck and instead happily, readily give credit to the wise men and his creation, the God. Perhaps some unlucky mango person, in order to get lucky created the first recorded, publicly available proof of the UFOs.

Everything written about God became religion. Each and every religious story, commandments, rules or regulations were written by some lucky individuals like us, who happened to be born few thousand years before us. Perhaps they wrote all those sacred texts out of innocence, guided by their personal encounters, perceptions with the Nature, the UFOs and the people (I hope we can call aliens as people !) sitting in or on those UFOs. I am sure even those lucky people would have never imagined, that we will stick to their stories so ardently, with zeal and passion so much that we will make their stories ours, we will live our life as per their beliefs, so as to make everyone around us happy, perhaps except us !

Some of us might argue that UFOs and the entire Science is nothing but act of God while some other might say that discovery of God is a simple case of mistaken identity because God is actually the first alien ever visited us on his (or her?) UFO !


Life possibly exists in different shapes and sizes within our solar system and if we are to believe the man in Black, they are out there, in our neighbourhood, living peacefully. A planet full of aliens all whom visited our planet at different points in time in past 4.5 Billion years, might be thriving right on our planet in a parallel universe. Each of their visits might have given rise to a specific event, which was decoded either by part of science, religion or fiction !

So where is this post heading now. Simple linear deductions, yeah that's it. To summarize we are just made of all those tiny, non brainy things ! Our planet is an insanely lucky planet to have survived so far. Thanks to this intra-celestial conspiracy, we the mortal human beings today are busy shopping, posting pictures taken through iPhone sharing instantly on Facebook. While most of us are still busy perpetuating our perception of what is written in those sacred texts.

Imagine this. Out of trillions of accidents happened to our planet, just change one and The Purpose of Life, The God and even my entire Blog Post will no longer be relevant !  

Jugaad Inc. !!

Hai kya koi Jugaad ?

Arrey yaar tum to bade jugaadu nikaley !

Are daro mat, mere pass bahut jugaad hai !!

Jugaad is everywhere, on Wikis, Harvard Business, Wall Street Journals and ofcourse in the hearts and souls of every Indian. What exactly is Jugaad - a solution to overcome a problem, somehow, anyhow, in the fastest possible manner, by spending least amount of time and energy ! Sounds some heavenly insane stuff, isn't it !

Is Jugaad our biggest asset or the liability ? Have we reached so far because of jugaad or we havent reached where could have because of jugaad. Is jugaad a solution or a full blown problem in itself...

The Birth of Jugaad -due to lack of time or resources or both or due to lack of understanding of the situation at hand, sometimes due to simple arrogance and sometimes out of innocence We the Indians have developed the concept of Jugad (ad-hoc arrangement). We dont want to face the problems today or at least now or we don't want to think about the solution because it might be too expensive today or we might have to work bit hard to resolve the real issue, so in order to save time, money, energy, resources 'today' we think of Jugaad.

The Jugaad usually delivers immediate results, makes the person who carried out the Jugaad a real cool dood in front of his rest of the fellow men, everybody appreciates him/her for presence of mind and for solving the problem instantly without much kharcha (expenditure)  and sardard (headache i.e. hardwork). Slowly the Jugaadu ( the ad-hoc problem solver) becomes the talk of the town and every kid in the town, wants to be like him.

Over a period of time, several centers of Jugaad crops up in every town. Sadhu-baba (holy man) becomes the main Jugaad (back door entry in this case) to the highest court of law. A seemingly innocent Panwala, Chaiwala, popular Bhaiya ji, a not so popular defeated politician, bus-conductor a TC/TT in the great Indian train becomes synonymous to Jugaad. From your first to last ritual the Pandits will recommend some jugaad for everything depending on your convenience and budget. Likewise from getting a birth certificate to import machinery without paying duties, the Babus are well verse of the jugaad to get things done. Looking at the current heads (2 Ps) of our democratically elected government, one can realize how high one can reach with Jugaad and bit of luck, even sky is within reach !

Foreign media, several renown business journals etc have openly endorsed the great India Jugaad. No matter what the government in the center wants us to believe, but the facts are we are world's largest democracy but we are not most successful one, we may become top 3 economy by 2025, but I dont think even by 2100 (yes, you read is correctly, 88 years from hence) we will be in top 30 nations in the world on the basis of Per capita GDP. We tend to believe that we are super kool in mathematics, accounting and economics but our koolness is mostly confined to calculating aXb or tallying the accounts the fastest, unfortunately not much beyond that. We are no doubt one of the most hardworking people in the world, but certainly not the most creative of the lot. We are great at cooking the books of a company to raise money form the market but we are yet to create companies which can change the rules of the market. 

Lets talk about world's most innovative companies, most rapidly growing companies, most respected universities in the field of arts, science, technology or business and we are almost sure of not finding any Indian entity. The reason is simple, we are still searching for the appropriate Jugaaad to make it and to break it into the league :) !

If not for the business Jugaad of Outsourcing, how else could American and European corporations would have made so much more money despite recession ! The value proposition in this Outsourcing jugaad is so much that it managed to survive 2 decades, thankfully.

I tend to believe that God has not created this Earth and its all some great cosmological accident, a.k.a the Big Bang after which it all began. But then I wonder if not for God, how else this massive, beautiful country of ours has survived all these years. Now that's what I call the ultimate Jugaad, Bhagwaan Bharose !!

Bhaktjan - Hey Prabhu is baar kuch jugaad lagwa de, agli baar se dhyaan rakhoonga !

Bhagwan - Oh no, Not Again !!

Bollywood's CONfusion is in the AIR !

Please don't sneeze. After reading this post, you might want to take nasal spray to clear the air a bit in a hope to breathe fresh air someday, but let me tell you its futile.

I am lucky because I get some free time in the evenings and over weekends. However ever since I moved to Middle East my movie dose has reduced significantly. It has resulted in a loss of appetite, dry thoughts keep wandering across my minds rapidly accompanied by empty sand storms and a hollow tranquility.

But ya, living in Middle East has lot of advantages, more then I could have imagined. The best one and perhaps most important one is easy access to Indian T.V channels, ya all of them, at the almost same time and pace. After a long time, I decided to create a collage, thanks to the daily dose of Indian TV channels and through them easy and almost free access to most latest of the Bollywood movies.

After creating this collage, I realized that pictures do speak 1000 words. So I can afford to keep this blog post small, like the script and plot of the above Bollywood movies. Call it a coincidence, but I came across most of the above movies and many more, which I cant recall now with same story line, that of confused lovers. These in love people are either too afraid to accept their love or have find love of their life after getting engaged to someone seemingly boring but nice at heart person. Somehow the Music of all these movies has been great, in some of the movies even the performance of the actors under given scope was also good. But as we know our Bollywood Directors and Producers are famous for making the most while the sun shines, so they decided to make the most of this new age, gen Z, confused love bird stories. The big advantage is that the Directors and Producers dont have to spend much on story, sets, editing, costumes or even on the fee and remuneration of actors. The acting by the likes of Imran Khan and Deepika Padukone is so good and repetitious that sometimes I really wish and hope that they get rid of their straight faced confusion soon and can live happily ever after.

Back in 90s our beloved Rajs and Simrans used to invite us with arms wide open to fall in Love and now days we are getting emails with open invitation to fall in the confusion. I am married and so I can afford to remain confused, what about you ? Still searching for the Nasal spray !!

By the way, dear Directors and Producers of such confused character love hate stories, we had enough of these, we got the point, we appreciate the confusion and have full sympathy with your metro-sexual, wannbe successful, untalented, protagonists. Kindly stop making such movies ! Enough of CONfusion!
  

A Career in Sales - What to Expect (And Not too) !!

Yeah I know a bit, but No, I am no expert. Just had the opportunity to sell goods and services to people and organizations. This post is not about how to make or break into sales. Sales mean different things to different people. Below are some of the things which I learnt all the way along. The list is not exhaustive because I haven't exhausted yet :)

Statutory Warning: This post has nothing to do with Grand, 97.895% Sale running on Malls near you.







What TO Expect 

1. Be ready to wait for hours outside your clients office. Humility is what sales teaches you. Beware staying for extended hours at client's office can make you feel like you their employee.

2. Pressure cooker. That's what you will feel about your head from time to time. So devise your own ways to de-steam yourself.

3. Shifting goal posts. Yeah, your target, territory and sometimes even what you are supposed to sell will also change, several times in a year.

4. Thankless people. Everybody from Marketing, Operations to HR to Project Management to Supply Chain will be ready  to take credit for your sales. Some might even go to the extent saying that all our Sales guys are useless, if I (respective department) was not there, they (we the Sales guys) will close this company.

5. Coffee, Cigarette and all that Jazz. You tend to take yourself all too seriously and start filling your lungs and lever with all that Jazz. Beware and dont overdo ways and means suggested in point no.2 above.

6. Baby Sitting. The people around you will always expect you to do a lot more then what you are doing. You might enjoy the late night parties and free booz, in lieu you will be expected to baby sit a lot of grown up babies.

What NOT TO Expect 

1. Don't think that because you are in Sales, you can actually sell everything as they show in movies !!

2. Don't expect that people will respect you immediately, because you are in sales.

3. Don't think that you will start cracking those multi-million dollar deals just because you are dressed like a Hollywood star or a Diva.

4. Yeah, they don't give those big cabins and car keys to you, especially if you are in industrial sales.

5. Don't expect to get big sales commission from the day one because your boss know how to set targets.

6. Don't expect the Techies in your company to respect you, because they worked on a project you won.



PS: You may think that you know everything about sales. But what you don't know is that you know what you don't know.

5 Birds in the Tree !!

Question - There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left?

 According to Scientists - all 5, they all were still part of the planet earth. 

According to Perfectionists - depends on what time you are asking the question, if the 2 shot birds were falling while the other 3 have not taken off yet, only 2 in sky and rest 3 still in/on tree. A few seconds later all 5 could be found floating in the sky. Few more seconds later 2 of them were hugging mother earth and 3 alive were flying in the sky now! A few moments later the 3 surviving birds, lands again on the earth.

According to our smart journalists, reporting Live- Out of two birds who were shot, one was touched by Rajnikant once not very long ago. She managed to dupe the hunter and the bullet. In order to save her life, she faked her fall from the tree. She gets up happily and flies again. But our hunter was a master artist too. He was waiting patiently behind the tree. He shoots back again....

NOW tell me how many left?

The answer is 2. Ff the 3 birds who were not shot at earlier, one was atheist, she couldn't believe she survived and headed straight to bar for a drink. The other two landed in a farm few yards away. One of them was jumping in happiness while the other was basking under the sun, enjoying her luck. Back to under the Tree, the Rajini bird was surprised but composed. She duped the bullet once again (tough nut). The raging bullet went past the Rajini bird and hit the jumping bird while she was still in air. She collapsed straight on the other one who was taking sun bath beneath her. Both were hospitalized but as per our reliable confidential sources news both were declared dead a few minutes ago.

The hunter, aka Sulman Khan has been taken into custody. The atheist bird has joined Hare Rama society in Goa while the Rajini bird will be flying to Vegas to teach birds of Chuck Norris next year.

Monkey Near Zebra Crossing !

I missed your calls today,

I think I missed some yesterday.

You know what,

I even missed to say,

How much I miss you !

Yes, you are right, I don't

Share my thoughts as frequently

As you do.

But you know Dr. Peters say,

We, men are capable of doing things

Such as thinking about nothing,

Without much ado.

Yesterday at the pa'a'n shop,

I heard some people say!

You are like a Chocolate pie,

And, I am a Monkey in the Zoo.

But even that doesn't stop me,

from ThinkIng about you.

I miss you, when I dont find you

To handover the towel,

And prepare a cup of tea

While I am in Loo.

I even miss you when,

I have other things to do.

So, please don't take this crap,

seriously, because you know,

We are near zebra crossing

and I'm driving slow.

Before reaching home,

We might bump into,

Couple of speed breakers,

If I don't take that amicable short cut

And a big traffic jam,

If I do.

But, Don't ever say that,

I don't care about you.

Just because I haven't bought you,

That Pink Shoe.

Because I know, you love me and

You know I you love you too!

Bollywood's top 10 Super Hero flicks !

Let me accept my ignorance for I have not seen some of the most fabulous sci-fi, action packed South Indian thrillers. But please don't call me racist for not doing that, no, not at all. I sincerely respect all the industries which generate employment, income, entertainment and provide sense of fulfillment to millions of deprived and self assumedly fulfilled souls.

Most of the Indian mythological books, scriptures are pre loaded with millions of stories, powerful, awesome characters but somehow the responsibility of showcasing all of them has been to the small screen. So I will list some of my favorite Super Hero flicks which depicted the common mango man who acquired extra-ordinary powers, skills and thus entertained us to death !

Long before Under (wear) taker was born and the dogs used the Rock for refreshing purposes, a yamla pagla Jaat knew that there isn't much difference between wrestling and acting. Innocent looks, personality worth 240 lbs and hiccuppulla dialogue delivery, a perfect recipe for Herculean Samsonish stardom.


Tarzan. No, we are not talking about the wonder car here. Unfortunately I never got to watch this movie because I was a reasonably tiny kid to comprehend the difference between curves of Tarzan and his wonder girl. But yes, I bleakly remember this movie became a talk of the town, for some stupid reasons. But I am pretty sure that whatever money this super jungle hero 1986 epic movie made in those times, other Hemant Birje movies would have made all put together.

Hey look, over there, its Shekhar with red blanket flying in the sky. No, its Superman.Yes, you read it correctly. The Duryodhan fame Puneet Issar dared to play the most popular comic super hero of recent times, the Indian version of Clark Kent aka Shekhar in and as Superman. Blame it to conspiracy of the universe or destiny, that none other than Dharam paa ji played the Kryptonic father of Super Shekhar Issar Man ! Quiet interestingly the often forgotten Kimi Katkar played an  instrumental role in two of the top 10 super hero chick flicks of Bollywood.

The first original Indian super hero, the simple guy with a heart of gold, who accidentially discovered his uncle's gadget which could make him disappear, backed by one of the most innovative villainous dil Khush Hua performance of Bollywood ! Mr.India was a true typical masala movie with lot of never seen before Hawa Hawai twists and turns. By 1987 Sridevi was already at her peak and Mr.India gave the Indian film audience a new classy, cheesy, cheeky, lovely and memorable couple on the silver screen. The couple gave several blockbusters in the years to come.


If we the people ever wanted someone to play a super hero avatar it is/was Amitabh Bachhan. He made the middle class angry young man, a new icon of silver screen. Unfortunately Ketan Desai couldn't recreate the magic like his father did in the preceding years. I was a bit confused between Shehenshah and Toofan. The costume and the wig which Amitabh B used in Shehnshah became the talk of the nation. I chose Toofan over Shehenshah because of some reason, I myself am not sure about :)

Nobody except the Big B at the helm of his career would have dared to do it again and again, come whatever may. And that's what sets him apart. In this 1991 multi-starer, big budget, sci-fi, fantasy Mr.Bachhan played the character of Ajooba, the wonder, produced, directed by Kapoor's stable. This flick was co-directed by a Soviet filmaker and hence was dubbed in Russian language as Vozvrashcheniye Bagdadskogo Vora. 

Not everybody was lucky enough to watch the once famous credit card ad, which famously said- there are few things which money can't buy ! UnFortunately not many lesser humans were lucky enough to  watch this movie which simply cant be classified in any one category. Whatever and whoever was available at that point in time was made to available for this suuupperr natural, scii-fii, horror, drama, romantic-comedy - Ek Anokhi Kahani, truly it was on all the parameters. I simply cant afford to disrespect the love of a dad for his son. If  you want to have a bit different kind of ball of an afternoon, do dare to watch this flick, but don't forget to arrange abundant supply of  beverages and company of few good old friends, who share your sense of humor, at least till the movie is being played.

A rare hit sequel of hit prequel. Another classic tale of love, romance and action, without any superficial attempts to delve into any kind of deep rooted philosophy, Krrish, starring Hritik Roshan was an instant hit. The father son magic did work at least with the kids though I sometimes wonder if the movie was made this intention. Call it the magic of K or hard work of Hritik Roshan, this movie established the brand Hritik Roshan and pushed him in the unique ivy league of Bollywood super stars. The rumor had it that after the first K block buster with the son, daddy Roshan planned both the K flicks well in advance. Now that's some planning !!

If daddy, can, why cant I ? But some questions are better left unanswered. Neither the former Miss World Priyanka Chopara nor KK Menon could save Drona, released in 2008. The most expensive movie of his life had it all the special effects, the really wicked crooks and the confusing attire in the middle of desert. Frankly I watched only some parts of Drona randomly, in bits and pieces and I never felt like laughing or having some mild amount of fun. A far too serious movie for my taste, but nevertheless I respect the friendship and love between Goldie Behl and the Jr.B. Goldie Behl was last found hissing around with    

Thank Goodness said the God after watching the latest biggest movie ever made on Indian soil, Robot. Well if Akshay Kumar and Aamir Khan can play college boys at 40+ and if they cant, no-one can even question Rajinikant and can prevent him from romancing with the once poster girl and now queen of Bollywood Aishwarya Rai and Bachhan.  Rajnikanth's next project is the Jurassic Park in Tamil. However, Rajni has twisted the climax. Rajni turns the earth upside down to dust off all the Dinosaurs from the earth and ships them safely in his private jet to Jupiter ....




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Images source - via Google

Cute Bitto, the Politician !

Mom to Bittu (3 year kid)- Bittuuu, where's the ice-cream your dad bought yesterday ?

Bittu - I dont know mom !!

Sonia to Kalmadi - SK where are $10 billion we gave you to spend on Common Wealth Games?

Kalmadi - I dont know mam !!

Mom to Bittu- Bittuuuuu, have you done your homework today?

Bittu (is playing outside, so over hears)- Yes mom, yesterday itself !!

Public to PM - Sir, have you passed the Lokpal bill yet?

PM-Yes, yesterday itself! I mean yesterday we had a meeting with Sonia ji, she said she will do something about it.

Mom to Bittu- wake up Bittu, its time to go to school !

Bittu - I cant, I will be having headache today, I mean I am having stomach ache today.

HC to Amar Singh- Sir, its time to go to jail via court!

Amar Singh - I cant, I will be having dementia (sh%t, Kalmadi), I mean I am unwell, confined to bed.

Mom to Bittu- Bittu ...

Bittu-It was not my mistake, you know my friend Sonu, he was pinching me from the back, so I slapped him!

Mom- But Bittu, I was about to ask why you got so low marks in the maths test! And by the way, is this Sonu a boy or a girl?

Journalist - Sir, why..

PM- no, no I was just following my coalition dharma !

Journalist -But sir, I was about to ask why have you sent Amar Singh with money to BJP MPs!

Bittu- Mom, Sonu is a girl, I told you last time also about her!

Mom - Ok Bittu, you have so many friends, I cant remember all of them.

PM- this time we will fight with them !

We the People- Oh, ok sir, we trust you again this time as well, because we cant remember your previous 179 promises in past 7 years and 2 months and 37 days!!

Bittu grows a young and smart now and starts receiving some missed calls now!

Mom - Bittu do you have a Girl friend?

Bittu - Noooooooo wayy mom ! None..Not at all !

We the people - Honorable Politician sir. Do you have a Swiss bank account ?

Politicians - well, you know the answer now :)

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To be continued !!