UFO Religion !

We the human beings are physically one of the weakest life forms ever walked on this planet. However by understanding and adjusting to external situations, we learnt to adapt and survive under most of the circumstances. No matter how trivial this fact might appear, but we always tend to forget this trivia in order to reassure the prowess of our 0.5 kg grey matters sitting right on top of all of us. We all want to identify the purpose of our lives, the sole purpose for which the matter of this planet is transferred from elements to us.

Let me share with you one true, historically important story, which I just made up ! Hundreds, perhaps thousands of years ago, One fine day, a wise man sitting alone, idle (yes, that's what wise man have been doing ever since!) near a lake, saw something in the sky. It was windy that day and some swirling dust particles floating in the distance took some mesmerizing form. With moon in the background and ever twinkling stars added hallucinating aura to the whole scene. A thunder bolt, a streak of lightning pierced the sky and the 1000s of bulbs lit-up. The wise was hit upon by a marvelous business plan of all time. Rest we know is history. Yes, you got it right. That was the day, wise man discovered God !

Somewhere else, on some other part of the planet, few hundreds and thousands of years later, Deja-Vu. By now, the wise-men has created and accumulated enough wealth, health and prosperity for himself and his entire clan. So he no-longer was interested in wandering outdoors in harsh environment. So this time, a common man with mango face was sitting near the lake, wondering about purpose of his life ! The common man has learnt from the wise men that God has created everything and though he resides in everybody's heart, its imperative for the common man, to regularly pay some fee as token of appreciation to wise men, so that wise men can connect the mango faced men with the God. So, after witnessing the scene almost similar to what wise men saw thousands of years ago, the common man, logically concluded that whatever he saw, experienced and perceived cant be God. So he coined a new acronym for that as  Universally Foolable Objects, UFOs, the flying saucer.

Lets do some math. Everyday lighting strikes close to 100000 times, somewhere and everyday some kind of cyclone or hurricane or whirlpool appears in another 96378 locations, according to some leaked calculations from extremely reliable sources. So all in all if we add just these 2 events, 196378 life threatening things are happening all around us.Multiply this number by 365 and then multiply this by 5 billion, so close to 30000 trillion life threatening events have taken place on our plant, ever since the big bang. Scary, isn't it! Of-course we can relate to only few hundreds of such artificial incidences happening everyday around us. So to cut the long story short, the probability that you are reading this blog is less then 1 / (Zillion Zillion), and yet you are !

So, now I hope you can calculate the the probability of what happened to our us and our planet, something similar will/might happen to some other planet, at some place far away from us in the same sequence ! 

Whatever non-sense I have jotted out so far, you might be wonder what is this post all about ?

So as some legends might put it, lets try to connect the .......(dots) ! We know that its highly improbable that life exist in similar shape and size as it is on earth, anywhere else in the universe, yet we want to believe in UFOs sometimes also referred as God. We know that if we were not as lucky as we are, we would not have been where we are and still we don't want to believe in our luck and instead happily, readily give credit to the wise men and his creation, the God. Perhaps some unlucky mango person, in order to get lucky created the first recorded, publicly available proof of the UFOs.

Everything written about God became religion. Each and every religious story, commandments, rules or regulations were written by some lucky individuals like us, who happened to be born few thousand years before us. Perhaps they wrote all those sacred texts out of innocence, guided by their personal encounters, perceptions with the Nature, the UFOs and the people (I hope we can call aliens as people !) sitting in or on those UFOs. I am sure even those lucky people would have never imagined, that we will stick to their stories so ardently, with zeal and passion so much that we will make their stories ours, we will live our life as per their beliefs, so as to make everyone around us happy, perhaps except us !

Some of us might argue that UFOs and the entire Science is nothing but act of God while some other might say that discovery of God is a simple case of mistaken identity because God is actually the first alien ever visited us on his (or her?) UFO !


Life possibly exists in different shapes and sizes within our solar system and if we are to believe the man in Black, they are out there, in our neighbourhood, living peacefully. A planet full of aliens all whom visited our planet at different points in time in past 4.5 Billion years, might be thriving right on our planet in a parallel universe. Each of their visits might have given rise to a specific event, which was decoded either by part of science, religion or fiction !

So where is this post heading now. Simple linear deductions, yeah that's it. To summarize we are just made of all those tiny, non brainy things ! Our planet is an insanely lucky planet to have survived so far. Thanks to this intra-celestial conspiracy, we the mortal human beings today are busy shopping, posting pictures taken through iPhone sharing instantly on Facebook. While most of us are still busy perpetuating our perception of what is written in those sacred texts.

Imagine this. Out of trillions of accidents happened to our planet, just change one and The Purpose of Life, The God and even my entire Blog Post will no longer be relevant !  

Jugaad Inc. !!

Hai kya koi Jugaad ?

Arrey yaar tum to bade jugaadu nikaley !

Are daro mat, mere pass bahut jugaad hai !!

Jugaad is everywhere, on Wikis, Harvard Business, Wall Street Journals and ofcourse in the hearts and souls of every Indian. What exactly is Jugaad - a solution to overcome a problem, somehow, anyhow, in the fastest possible manner, by spending least amount of time and energy ! Sounds some heavenly insane stuff, isn't it !

Is Jugaad our biggest asset or the liability ? Have we reached so far because of jugaad or we havent reached where could have because of jugaad. Is jugaad a solution or a full blown problem in itself...

The Birth of Jugaad -due to lack of time or resources or both or due to lack of understanding of the situation at hand, sometimes due to simple arrogance and sometimes out of innocence We the Indians have developed the concept of Jugad (ad-hoc arrangement). We dont want to face the problems today or at least now or we don't want to think about the solution because it might be too expensive today or we might have to work bit hard to resolve the real issue, so in order to save time, money, energy, resources 'today' we think of Jugaad.

The Jugaad usually delivers immediate results, makes the person who carried out the Jugaad a real cool dood in front of his rest of the fellow men, everybody appreciates him/her for presence of mind and for solving the problem instantly without much kharcha (expenditure)  and sardard (headache i.e. hardwork). Slowly the Jugaadu ( the ad-hoc problem solver) becomes the talk of the town and every kid in the town, wants to be like him.

Over a period of time, several centers of Jugaad crops up in every town. Sadhu-baba (holy man) becomes the main Jugaad (back door entry in this case) to the highest court of law. A seemingly innocent Panwala, Chaiwala, popular Bhaiya ji, a not so popular defeated politician, bus-conductor a TC/TT in the great Indian train becomes synonymous to Jugaad. From your first to last ritual the Pandits will recommend some jugaad for everything depending on your convenience and budget. Likewise from getting a birth certificate to import machinery without paying duties, the Babus are well verse of the jugaad to get things done. Looking at the current heads (2 Ps) of our democratically elected government, one can realize how high one can reach with Jugaad and bit of luck, even sky is within reach !

Foreign media, several renown business journals etc have openly endorsed the great India Jugaad. No matter what the government in the center wants us to believe, but the facts are we are world's largest democracy but we are not most successful one, we may become top 3 economy by 2025, but I dont think even by 2100 (yes, you read is correctly, 88 years from hence) we will be in top 30 nations in the world on the basis of Per capita GDP. We tend to believe that we are super kool in mathematics, accounting and economics but our koolness is mostly confined to calculating aXb or tallying the accounts the fastest, unfortunately not much beyond that. We are no doubt one of the most hardworking people in the world, but certainly not the most creative of the lot. We are great at cooking the books of a company to raise money form the market but we are yet to create companies which can change the rules of the market. 

Lets talk about world's most innovative companies, most rapidly growing companies, most respected universities in the field of arts, science, technology or business and we are almost sure of not finding any Indian entity. The reason is simple, we are still searching for the appropriate Jugaaad to make it and to break it into the league :) !

If not for the business Jugaad of Outsourcing, how else could American and European corporations would have made so much more money despite recession ! The value proposition in this Outsourcing jugaad is so much that it managed to survive 2 decades, thankfully.

I tend to believe that God has not created this Earth and its all some great cosmological accident, a.k.a the Big Bang after which it all began. But then I wonder if not for God, how else this massive, beautiful country of ours has survived all these years. Now that's what I call the ultimate Jugaad, Bhagwaan Bharose !!

Bhaktjan - Hey Prabhu is baar kuch jugaad lagwa de, agli baar se dhyaan rakhoonga !

Bhagwan - Oh no, Not Again !!

Bollywood's CONfusion is in the AIR !

Please don't sneeze. After reading this post, you might want to take nasal spray to clear the air a bit in a hope to breathe fresh air someday, but let me tell you its futile.

I am lucky because I get some free time in the evenings and over weekends. However ever since I moved to Middle East my movie dose has reduced significantly. It has resulted in a loss of appetite, dry thoughts keep wandering across my minds rapidly accompanied by empty sand storms and a hollow tranquility.

But ya, living in Middle East has lot of advantages, more then I could have imagined. The best one and perhaps most important one is easy access to Indian T.V channels, ya all of them, at the almost same time and pace. After a long time, I decided to create a collage, thanks to the daily dose of Indian TV channels and through them easy and almost free access to most latest of the Bollywood movies.

After creating this collage, I realized that pictures do speak 1000 words. So I can afford to keep this blog post small, like the script and plot of the above Bollywood movies. Call it a coincidence, but I came across most of the above movies and many more, which I cant recall now with same story line, that of confused lovers. These in love people are either too afraid to accept their love or have find love of their life after getting engaged to someone seemingly boring but nice at heart person. Somehow the Music of all these movies has been great, in some of the movies even the performance of the actors under given scope was also good. But as we know our Bollywood Directors and Producers are famous for making the most while the sun shines, so they decided to make the most of this new age, gen Z, confused love bird stories. The big advantage is that the Directors and Producers dont have to spend much on story, sets, editing, costumes or even on the fee and remuneration of actors. The acting by the likes of Imran Khan and Deepika Padukone is so good and repetitious that sometimes I really wish and hope that they get rid of their straight faced confusion soon and can live happily ever after.

Back in 90s our beloved Rajs and Simrans used to invite us with arms wide open to fall in Love and now days we are getting emails with open invitation to fall in the confusion. I am married and so I can afford to remain confused, what about you ? Still searching for the Nasal spray !!

By the way, dear Directors and Producers of such confused character love hate stories, we had enough of these, we got the point, we appreciate the confusion and have full sympathy with your metro-sexual, wannbe successful, untalented, protagonists. Kindly stop making such movies ! Enough of CONfusion!
  

A Career in Sales - What to Expect (And Not too) !!

Yeah I know a bit, but No, I am no expert. Just had the opportunity to sell goods and services to people and organizations. This post is not about how to make or break into sales. Sales mean different things to different people. Below are some of the things which I learnt all the way along. The list is not exhaustive because I haven't exhausted yet :)

Statutory Warning: This post has nothing to do with Grand, 97.895% Sale running on Malls near you.







What TO Expect 

1. Be ready to wait for hours outside your clients office. Humility is what sales teaches you. Beware staying for extended hours at client's office can make you feel like you their employee.

2. Pressure cooker. That's what you will feel about your head from time to time. So devise your own ways to de-steam yourself.

3. Shifting goal posts. Yeah, your target, territory and sometimes even what you are supposed to sell will also change, several times in a year.

4. Thankless people. Everybody from Marketing, Operations to HR to Project Management to Supply Chain will be ready  to take credit for your sales. Some might even go to the extent saying that all our Sales guys are useless, if I (respective department) was not there, they (we the Sales guys) will close this company.

5. Coffee, Cigarette and all that Jazz. You tend to take yourself all too seriously and start filling your lungs and lever with all that Jazz. Beware and dont overdo ways and means suggested in point no.2 above.

6. Baby Sitting. The people around you will always expect you to do a lot more then what you are doing. You might enjoy the late night parties and free booz, in lieu you will be expected to baby sit a lot of grown up babies.

What NOT TO Expect 

1. Don't think that because you are in Sales, you can actually sell everything as they show in movies !!

2. Don't expect that people will respect you immediately, because you are in sales.

3. Don't think that you will start cracking those multi-million dollar deals just because you are dressed like a Hollywood star or a Diva.

4. Yeah, they don't give those big cabins and car keys to you, especially if you are in industrial sales.

5. Don't expect to get big sales commission from the day one because your boss know how to set targets.

6. Don't expect the Techies in your company to respect you, because they worked on a project you won.



PS: You may think that you know everything about sales. But what you don't know is that you know what you don't know.

And I think I am Smart !!

I purchase goods from a  mega sale.
Yes, the huge discount was too much to resist.
I never cared to check few weeks before
Or after that sale.
But, yet I think I am smart.

I go by the reviews, rankings and ratings.
But I fail to realize that those previews,
Rantings and raketings are written, by
Somebody like me.
Some of them are paid for it,
Others write because they are still  not paid.

I love the senseless movies,
Not because they make lot of sense
For those who made them.
I know I can something meaningful,
With my time
Yet I choose to be entertained.

I care, so I never dare,
Though I know its not fair.
I choose to hear only few
Of my near and dear.
When confronted, I rarely give that stare
And instead look here and there.
But, yet I think I am smart.

I know they don't care,
Because I dont.
And so I gradually transcend
From being carefree
To perpetually careless

I think I am not harming anybody
But, I fail to realize
The One who's getting harmed,
The most.
Is nobody, but Me.

I know I deserve better
Yes, heaven is the place for me.
But I am ready to spend all my life
Right here, on this Earth.
Yet, I think I am...

At last First !!

After a log hiatus, I came first !

Back in school days, when everybody clamored to grab the top spot, I was happy with top 5 and sometimes even top 10.  I had my own reasons then.Only later I realized that grades, marks and rankings do matter and it hurts the most, when you have everything else except those which matters.

Some wise man wrote this long ago- Success is Counted sweetest by those who never succeed !!

Definitely applicable to me. No lies, have never achieved anything exceptional, never came first but this time it was different. It was bound to happen someday and so it happened today, as if it was a part of a great plan. Whatever happens, happen for good, that's how my parents would console me, whenever I was not first. And so over years, I started feeling pity, not for me, but for them, those at the help of things, for their loneliness.

Things were about change. Something happened which never happened before and so finally I kissed the moment of glory. I made sure that I enjoy my loneliness to the full. Soon I realized what all I was missing by dismissing the desire and thus the situation of being at the top. When you reach the top, even in your own world , suddenly the people in that world start seeing and treating you differently. But the  fun does not last long. Either I had to do anything under the Sun to retain my lone spot or someone else will do something and soon my charm and karishma will vanish.

A rush of blood, dilapidating pupils and my moments of joy and glory were snatched away from me. I was helpless, I could have done few things, but I could sense the outcome, so I decided to save my energy. Once again I became the ordinary me, which I always deserved to be.

Damm it, I was last and so he denied the admission because it was overflowing with homo-sapiens. I was left with no other choice but to wait for the next Bus. Within fraction of seconds tens and almost hundreds of people started queuing behind me from nowhere.